By the end of the first week
of December 1918, the Hamilton Board of Health and the Hamilton Medical
Association were under withering criticism from the Spectator because of the
second round of orders banning public gatherings. For three consecutive days,
on the front page, the Spectator published a satirical take on the influenza
epidemic and how the matter was being handled. The form chosen was a mock
question and answer format with made-up questions from made up readers:
“ Knutty
Points
“Ask
Us – We Don’t Know”
If it is dangerous for
clerks to wait on customers after 4 o’clock in the afternoon, how is the
overworked Proprietor immune?
ANXIOUS
Our Hoyle is silent on this
point. Ask the doctors. – Ed.
_____________________________________________
Is it worse for one man to
serve fifty customers in his store after 4 o’clock than to have the assistance
of his clerks and disperse the crowd more quickly.
BEWILDERED
Common sense seems to
approve of retaining the clerks, but the doctors have decreed otherwise. – Ed.
__________________________________________
Is the ‘flu’ germ more
active after 4 p.m. than previous to that hour?
I WONDER
Once again, we are stumped.
Will some doctor please explain? – Ed.
_________________________________________________
Why, in the name of all that
is sane and proper, if the ‘flu’ is more deadly than small pox, haven’t the
cases been isolated and placed under quarantine?
IVA
KAUFF
If uva cough, Iva, your
doctor should be able to answer that question. – Ed.
_______________________________________________
Please tell me why members
of the board of trade and other business men can spare time to go to the city
hall and beg the ‘people’s representatives’ to do things, but cannot do their
duty by serving as city representatives?
TAXPAYER
Will business men please
answer? –Ed.
____________________________________________________
Is it safer to stand on a street corner for an
hour, waiting for a car, than to ride on a crowded one?
A. HOOFER
The doctors say it is. So
there. – Ed.1
1 Hamilton
Spectator. December 05, 1918.
Knutty Points : “Ask Us – We
Don’t Know”
“Please tell me if warning
Brantford people to stay away from Hamilton comes under the head of good
advertising for Hamilton’s publicity department? PERTURBED
Common Sense answers this
one. – Ed.
“If I am late for work
because I have to wait nearly an hour for a car, to whom should I refer my
annoyed employer? WORKER
“To the doctors. – Ed.
“If influenza starts with a
common cold, are children safer playing in the snow than in school, where they
are under the watchful eye of teachers and school nurses? MOTHER
“The medical men evidently
think so. – Ed.
“If I suffer from a common
cold, why should a notice be sent to the board of health that I have influenza?
Does it make a difference to the size of my medical bill? U. KALIPTUS
“We pass these along to the
doctors. – Ed.
“Will the committee of
medical men stay on the job after the influenza is curbed and assist in healing
ruptured business organizations, sickly trade and bruised feelings? P.B.
PUBLICO
“That remains to be seen. –
Ed.
“Why should it be necessary to
close churches in Hamilton, when Toronto, where the epidemic has been just as
serious, they have been left open? LIKETOKNOW
“Perhaps the Toronto doctors
go to church. – Ed.
“If the library is closed
because of the danger of infection from people and germs, what is to prevent
the latter pesky little creatures nestling between the leaves of books for
years to come? A. BOOKWORM
“Please inquire of the
janitor.”2
2 Hamilton Spectator. December 06, 1918.
“ Knutty
Points
“Ask
Us – We Don’t Know”
Please tell me any sound
reason why the stores should not be permitted to remain open on Saturday
evenings, the majority of the factories closing at noon and easing congestion
on street cars?
MAG
NANIMOUS
This seems to be up to the
doctors to answer. – Ed.
_____________________________________________
Why not dispense with the
board of health altogether, and let the medical association do the work? BULL
SHEVIKI
Give ‘em time, Bull; give ‘em
time. – Ed.
__________________________________________
Would much coal be saved if
staff of the public library was given a vacation, the building being closed to
the public?
BOOK WORM
Why worry about coal, when
the books have to be dusted – Ed.
_________________________________________________
Why not prohibit fat people
from riding on street cars, thus making it possible for more passengers to be
carried? SKINNY
This is apparently a slight oversight on the part of the medical men. But
they can’t think of everything, can they?. – Ed.
_______________________________________________
How do you account for the
churches being closed tight tomorrow, while the hotel barrooms will be crowded ?
REFORMED BOOZER
Perhaps only ‘good’ beer
will be ‘on’ –Ed.
____________________________________________________
I am a descendant of Scottish covenanters.
Should I not resist this church closing edict for conscience sake ?
B. HOOFER
You are living in the 20th
century now. You are too archaic . – Ed.3
3Hamilton Spectator December 7, 1918
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